Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
