If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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