I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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