The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
