i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
