I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
