my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
