Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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