seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
