my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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