JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize