Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
it hurts more in the daytime
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
