we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
