I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
