Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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