Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
