I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
