he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
