My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
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Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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