I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
