do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
