just come out here and I will go home with you...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
