I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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