He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
