Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I need a beard to bite.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
