dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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