So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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