you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
