its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
