I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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