can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
