i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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