I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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