I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
