I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.