i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype