Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
