take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
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also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
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No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.