She is in my trunk
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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