I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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