I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
