I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
