just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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