If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He shit in the fireplace
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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