it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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