dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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