Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
