i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
