Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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