no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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