3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
