No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
