i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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