The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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