Moan for me like Helen Keller
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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