too bad you live with your parents still
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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