youre lurking in front of me
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
