I accidentally had phone sex last night
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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