I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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