there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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