Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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