thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
