Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Randomize
