i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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